Monday, August 15, 2011


When I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. I don't mean dreams that happen at night, in the dark, with a head on a pillow. I mean dreams. Dreams that push you to become something. Dreams that drive you to find your place in this world and beyond. Dreams that make you you.

Dreams could be thought of as a simple Mario Kart game. Obscure, yes, but hear me out: you start out with an objective, and you jump over and under and through obstacles until you've accomplished your mission. You save the good people and capture the bad guys. Each level is full of new challenges and unexpected distractions. At the end of every level, you pick up another dream, which dream becomes your drive throughout the next level. But you never beat the game until the next life. And maybe not even then. At times it's frustrating and tedious, but if you play it right, the excitement always overrides everything else. The rewards continue to stack up and your effort begins to pay off as you unlock new levels and slowly work your way toward the top.

I don't know that I ever realized just how important my dreams were. They were everything, and they still are. What is life without dreams, anyway? Now that I'm older, my dreams have become goals and ambitions of reality. Plans of action, always on my mind.

I have many, many dreams. Dreams that used to seem so far out of reach, but that are now becoming closer and clearer. To some, my dreams are fantasies, phases that will undoubtedly be forgotten over time. But to the true friends, they matter. It's funny how people and dreams are so closely tied. What are dreams without others to help you attain and live and share them? People are put into our lives for a reason, and I believe that oftentimes, that reason is to help us recognize and reach for dreams.

I use to be bothered by the fact that my dreams are always changing. Always in motion, always in the process of alteration. I'm reaching high and far, on my way to fulfillment, and then something happens that invites me, or forces me, to turn the wheel in a direction of something better. Even if I don't realize at that moment that the change will bring improvement. But more and more, I'm realizing that some dreams are put in our minds and hearts just to get our feet moving and lead us to new dreams. Like Mario Kart.

I'll never understand them completely, but I'll never stop trying. They are what they are.

What is life without dreams, anyway?

on to Fall.

Where in the world has my summer gone? In less than two weeks, I will be on my own again, living off of my thai noodles, turkey, and sourdough bread. Ok, I really am going to do better this time in that regard, but I'll be scraping change from the couches nonetheless.

I've spent my summer being confined to a basement office in the Eyring Science Center, 40 hours a week. But oddly enough, I love it. I love responsibility, and I love the feeling of accomplishment--the very two things that make up this secretary job. I've also spent many hours working in the retail environment... I think the smell of Old Navy will forever reside in my nose. Yuck. Those weekly hours have slowly declined, and the last few weeks I've only been working there four hours every Tuesday night. Between aching feet, a low wage, and a creepy manager who follows me around asking about my love life and pretending to fold a shirt here and there, I think I'm about ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. Good bye, retail. Forever.

RYAN IS ENGAGED. I seriously could not be happier for him. His fiance, Marilyn, is his perfect other half. They're getting married September 17th in the Montacello temple, right on Nash's first birthday! Speaking of the little tyke, he and McCaye are staying with us this week. :) McCaye planned a bridal shower for Marilyn this Thursday and they'll be here until Monday. He gets even cuter and even happier every time I see him. Although I'm in zero rush to tie any knots, spending time with the two of them makes me so excited to have a family of my own!

I need to go buy a very long and very thick rope, very soon. I'll use it to tie the pieces of my life together in a giant scout-worthy knot, because I think things might begin to spin out of control a little bit this next month or so. This whole school year will be crazy. I'm working 20 hours a week, which I've never even done during school. Also, I just made it into BYU Noteworthy, a nine-girl a cappella travelling group, which will take up at least 10 hours a week. Whaaaat am I doing. On top of that we've got Ryan's wedding. And I'm living in party central. Bring it on, I guess. :)

This summer has been yet another perfect summer. I have some of the greatest friends in the world, right in my own singles ward. Here are a few pictures of my best friend Annalyse Doman and I. You're the best, Annie!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

"Holler if you're ready for some summer nights!"

So, it's summer. My favorite time of the year. The other day my mom said "I definitely think you're a sunshine girl. You're happy in the summer." And boy is she right. I love bright colors and warm temperatures, and I love the sun to shine right in my eyes. In a nutshell, I could never get enough of summer.

For the most part, things are the same. Working three jobs and playing when I have the time. I have a really great group of friends from my singles ward that I love spending time with. In fact, we're all going camping up the canyon this weekend. Yeah, baby!

I guess there is one  little update... in the music department. A couple of weeks ago, I showed my favorite songs that I've written to my vocal coach, and his reaction really surprised me. He said, "Record them. They're great." Say what? And then do you know what he did? He handed me a sticky note with THE Ryan Shupe's phone number on it, and told me to call him (me? call Ryan Shupe?) to ask if he and his band (the Rubber Band) will back me up on the recording of my songs. My own songs. I can't even believe it! So at the end of the summer, when I've saved up as much as possible, I'm going to do it. We'll see how this goes! In the meantime, I'll be writing like mad and working to improve the voice and guitar skills.

On Saturday night, I attended the Real Salt Lake v. Toronto game with my dad. Dads are so, so great. For whatever reason, the day had been a little bit of a hard one and I wasn't in the greatest mood, but he asked me to go with him and we had a great time and really enjoyed each other's company! The moment we got away, every doubt and insecurity that had been on my mind was gone, replaced by his love and comfort. As I was thinking about it, I was reminded that that's exactly how my Heavenly Father works. All I have to do is come to Him, then go where He wants me to go, and He has a way of trading out all my doubts for feelings of love and peace and confidence. What would I do without my Fathers?

A couple of weeks ago, Carly and I stole away to visit George for a few days. Our dear friend, Mr. St. George. We "lied like coon dogs baskin' in the sunshine"... and that is our favorite song. We also visited the St. George temple to do baptisms, ate out a few times, played tennis, and relaxed. Carly had to keep telling me to roll with it, and to stop planning out every hour of the day. What can I say, I am a planner. I learned that relaxing is a difficult task for me... I think the purpose of relaxation is to relieve anxiety, but it's something that always seems to add to mine, because I could be doing so many other things with my time! But Carls helped me to chill out a little bit and showed me how to enjoy not having a plan. :) Oh, and we watched the Notebook. Twice--one night after the next. We're officially in love with Ryan Gosling. Thanks for such a fun weekend, Car!

Monday, May 2, 2011


Hello, hello! Oh how I love Spring. On my way to work today, Shotgun Jackson from KBull 93 informed me that this is going to be an amazing week because it's finally going to be in the 70s! It's about time... pretty sure I'm pasty white and ready for some serious rays. No more winter! :)

My CD is finally done! Well, almost.The mixing is now done, just have to fix a few small things and add some orchestration to a few songs. I really really hope someone will sell it so that I can earn back a small portion of the fortune it took to record it! Most of all, I hope that the songs convey the messages and the feelings that they're meant to. How do you put music on a blog? Anyone? I'll put up a few songs from the CD as soon as I know how.

Zach is leaving me on Wednesday! I feel like singing "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me; I'm all alone, there's no one here to guiii-ide me-e!" All of my wonderful friends are on their way to bigger and definitely better things. AKA missions. I think anyone my age would agree that this is a little bit of an awkward phase of life between everyone leaving, meeting so many new people all the time, and not having a set group of friends to pal around with. I'm learning to really enjoy it, but it's still strange every time another great friend leaves.

I have an interview at Old Navy today! Cross your fingers for me!! I would love to work there, mostly because it would mean Gap and Banana Republic discounts. :) And also just because I am in serious need of a second job. The Neuroscience Center is such a great place to work, but it only gives me about 20 hours/week.

I really am going to do better at taking pictures and actually putting them on my computer, so I'll upload some to the blog shortly. Have a wonderful day!

Friday, April 22, 2011


I figured it out... here they are. Hopefully there will be more to come. I'm still learning the guitar, so focus on the lyrics, not the playing. Let me know what you think. :)

The first one is called I Won't Fall Through. It's inspired by a brown-eyed boy and a perfect summer. :) The second one is called As You Go, Believe. It's more of a lullaby. I love it because it can apply to two lovers, two best friends, a mother and her child, or whatever. If you like them..... share them!

I Won't Fall Through

As You Go, Believe

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ohhhh sweet freedom.

Done! Done done done with my first year of college at BYU. What a year it's been! I think I've learned more as a freshman than ever before. Being such a small fish in a huuuge sea is a hard adjustment, coming from a graduating class of 214. It requires some soul-searching. It requires finding out who you really are, and being sure and comfortable with that person. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, because as much as I thought I knew myself before I came here, I didn't know the half of it. Of me! And now I do. :)

McCaye and Nash are here right now, and I can't believe how big that little man is. This morning he laid on the floor and watched me while I played guitar and sang. I sure hope my babies love music as much as he does! McCaye and Kel and Mom and I are heading to Park City one of these next days for a little bit of Spring shopping.

Speaking of music, I wrote two more songs recently, and I'm starting guitar lessons again this Saturday! As soon as I figure out how, I'll upload a video of my songs to the blog. One is for Aaron, of course, and the other is for my great friend Zach who leaves for Argentina in less than two weeks. The LDS CD is on the back burner just a little bit at the moment until my voice coach has time to mix it, and I'm saving every penny for the mixing and the orchestration until then.

The room's almost done! I painted the wall that used to be brown, and I spraypainted an old nightstand and shelf black and fixed them up.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Ready, set, something exciting happen to me. And make it a beautiful male. Thank you and goodnight.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

What a long day it's been. It's a very rare occasion that I stay home sick from school and lay on the couch for hours, but that's exactly what I did today. Tonight has been a little better though, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow I'll be cured. :)

I can't believe it's almost Thursday. Where in the world did Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday go? Not that I'm complaining... I'm just that much closer to the weekend. Speaking of the weekend, this should be a good one! Tomorrow I've got a Nutrition study group with Kristalyn starting at 4, then at 7, she and Jaden (another Nutrition buddy) and I are going to get sushi and study some more. Not that I'm any kind of sushi fan, but I think it will be fun! On Friday, I'm getting together with several people from last year's Chamber Singers, because we haven't seen each other since graduation. Not quite sure what we'll do, but I love catching up with friends that I haven't talked to in a while. It's always so fun to see what everyone ends up doing and where life's craziness takes them.

I should really be writing two papers and studying for a test and quiz. Yaaay college. But hey, almost one year down. It's so crazy... this has felt like the longest year of my life, BY FAR. But at the same time, I can't believe the school year's almost over! I'm ready to move on past the phase of life where every RM says "Oh, you're a freshman? Hm..." and then you never hear from them again. I really can't wait to meet new people in my ward at the Elms! I feel like I have some great friends and some great experiences just around the corner.

I'm going to be a good student now and start studying. I won't wait two more weeks to write, promise. At least I don't think I will. Have a great night!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

:) Happy me.

I got a job I got a job I got a job!! I'm so excited. Come April, I will be a secretary for the BYU Neuroscience Office. I love being a secretary! What do you know... prayer works. :)

Tonight we had a Women's Chorus concert at Maple Mountain. I really miss seeing my great friends and teachers! Going back there is always a little bit bittersweet, because I absolutely loved my senior year and almost wish I could've spent more time there. HOWEVER, at the same time, it's fun to revisit those memories and know that I've moved on to bigger and better things.

I've decided that I really want to get into a leadership position at BYU. Mom says that I need to make a huge poster titled "I've decided..." and add to it every day because I say those words so often! I just have so many things I want to do, and sometimes I get frustrated that I can't do it all! I want to learn piano and guitar, be on student council, improve my dance skills, go to London for Study Abroad, be in another musical, do so much more with my voice than I'm doing... the list goes on and on and on. One thing at a time, right? Ah, sometimes I hate time.

Last night I went to the BYU game with two of my future roommates. Well, we attempted, but apparently paying $200+ for an all-sports pass does nothing, because we didn't get in. No, I'm not bitter. But we ended up getting frozen yogurt and hanging out with Jake and Joe, a couple of their UVU friends. We made it a fun night. :) Kristalyn and Korinne (the future roomies) are the greatest. I really am so excited to live in the Elms with them! They're the sweetest girls, and they love to party. Hooray!

Everything really is falling into place right now, and I couldn't be happier. I'm still taking dance, but I've decided that Young Ambassadors probably isn't for me. Yes, it would be an amazing experience, no doubt. However, I don't think I fit the persona that is required; they all seem to be very dramatic and very loud, and I don't really want to surround myself with that nor be like that. Not to mention that I'd live with the girls and I'd have practice 20+ hours per week. Don't get me wrong, I think they are amazing people! It's me, not them. :) But I really want to keep trekking down this singing route I'm on. I think that if I do more with singing alone, rather than dance and acting, I could really improve to where I want to be. Sorry, I'm thinking out loud again.

Oh boy, I'm exhausted and have yet to start my homework. I gotta get on that. Have a great one!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

This is my SECOND time writing this month. Proud, much? Thank you, thank you.

Right now I'm listening to Carrie Underwood's "The More Boys I Meet" and I'm agreeing with the song 100%. Now that we have a puppy, I can legitimately say that "the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog"... oh, how true that statement is. I'm really ok with having my own Cassie time right now. Not Cassie + boy time, just me and myself figuring life out one day at a time.

This morning Mom and Marci and I attended the Mapleton Stake Women's Conference. It was so good! Sister Lant was the guest speaker, and she talked about appreciating ourselves more and focusing on what really matters most. It is so easy to lose perspective, isn't it? I don't know about you, but sometimes I definitely fall into the traps of self guilt trips and self-criticism. I never do enough, I'm not pretty enough, I can't I can't I can't... why is it that we're always beating ourselves up and not giving ourselves the credit that we deserve? "We're doing better than we think we are." (Sis. Beck) I always try to pack SO MUCH into one little day and add unnecessary extras to my to do lists; I'm going to make it a point to convince myself that more is not always better.

I'm starting to get really excited about my future career. Not necessarily my major, because it's only a stepping stone to my master's degree (Although Communication Disorders is VERY interesting as well!). But the other day in my Acoustics of Music and Speech class, we were learning about the vocal tract and potential problems with vocal cords, and I think my neighbors were about ready to duct tape my mouth shut. We were watching videos of Vocal Specialists doing their thing in the medical field, and I was telling the people next to me lots of obnoxious facts about vocal cords and ENT doctors and how vocal nodules affect singing and how I have a "granuloma" on my vocal cord... you get the idea. Anyway, I'm feeling confident that I've chosen the right field. :) Even though some days go by oh so slow and the homework load is often overbearing, I really do love school. I love to learn!

Mom and I are completely redoing my room. I'm going to post pictures very soon. It's black and white and red... all over, like the newspaper. (I'm really hoping you've heard that one before.) But I'm getting really excited about it. We just bought the magnet board yesterday that will hang above my new desk, and we ordered the bedding today! We've been shopping everywhere for bedding and finally found a good deal. Hooray!

I should REALLY be doing homework. But before I go, I wanted to share a great thought that I heard today, especially because the darn snow tends to dampen our days around this time of year: "Those who bring sunshine to others cannot keep it from themselves." Isn't this so true? It's short and simple, and I love it. There isn't a better time for us to be happy than right now. We don't have to wait for a new stage of life, a new day, a new hour, or even a new minute to be happy. :) It's a simple choice. Have a great one, friends!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Rising Rays

Hello, friends! What a crazy ride it's been since the last post. Life never ceases to both surprise and excite me. :)

Aaron left in December. I have to say that the past couple of months have been quite the struggle, but I'm definitely on the up and up, and the sunshine is making me ten times happier! It's difficult when your best friend leaves. You always hear that "you don't know what you got till it's gone"; I thought I knew perfectly, but as it turns out, I didn't know the half of it! I'm just even more grateful now for the wonderful friend that he is. If there's anything I've learned the past little while, it's the importance of making new friends and being a TRUE friend. Anyway, I'm so excited for Aaron. He just left the MTC on Monday to serve in Tampa, FL until his visa comes, then he'll head off to Brazil. He's loving the work and was already a zone leader in the MTC. So proud. :) I'm feeling much happier now and the lonely feeling is leaving little by little as I make new friends and keep myself busy with school and singing and dance and everything.

School is so great, and I'm SO happy to be here at BYU. I really do love all my classes and professors, and call me a nerd but I kind of even enjoy studying. This semester is much better than last. And I'm sure next will be even better, right? I've been branching out the last little while; I'm taking two dance classes right now (jazz dance and private lessons) because I'm working up to my lifetime dream of being a BYU Young Ambassador. What I really wanna do is prove to myself that I'm brave enough to audition, because dancing in front of people happens to be a phobia of mine. I picked the perfect dream, right? Ha, but I'm enjoying dance very much! I love doing things that push me. Still on the topic of the arts, voice lessons are also coming along very well. Without a doubt the highlight of my week. We're actually going to begin recording my first CD (LDS hymns) within the next two weeks! I love to sing. I really really do. :) So thankful for music.

I thought I'd throw in a picture of Darby (Sharon's new dog) just because she's adorable. She's definitely brightening up the home...

Oh, right, did I mention I moved home? I decided to save some money by living at home until Fall semester, because next Spring I'm planning on going to London for Study Abroad... hooray! Super excited for that. Anyway, living at home has been great. I love hanging out with Mom every day, and being able to see Dad and Chris and Ryan more often has been fun. Not that I wasn't home half the time last semester anyway. :)

That's about all I have time for today, because my kind friend Jenna Higgins offered to take me to lunch at the MOA Cafe! Love her! I will try to update more often. You'd think more often than a few times a year would be manageable.... so I'll work on it.

Enjoy the sunshine and have a great day!!