When I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. I don't mean dreams that happen at night, in the dark, with a head on a pillow. I mean dreams. Dreams that push you to become something. Dreams that drive you to find your place in this world and beyond. Dreams that make you you.
Dreams could be thought of as a simple Mario Kart game. Obscure, yes, but hear me out: you start out with an objective, and you jump over and under and through obstacles until you've accomplished your mission. You save the good people and capture the bad guys. Each level is full of new challenges and unexpected distractions. At the end of every level, you pick up another dream, which dream becomes your drive throughout the next level. But you never beat the game until the next life. And maybe not even then. At times it's frustrating and tedious, but if you play it right, the excitement always overrides everything else. The rewards continue to stack up and your effort begins to pay off as you unlock new levels and slowly work your way toward the top.
I don't know that I ever realized just how important my dreams were. They were everything, and they still are. What is life without dreams, anyway? Now that I'm older, my dreams have become goals and ambitions of reality. Plans of action, always on my mind.
I have many, many dreams. Dreams that used to seem so far out of reach, but that are now becoming closer and clearer. To some, my dreams are fantasies, phases that will undoubtedly be forgotten over time. But to the true friends, they matter. It's funny how people and dreams are so closely tied. What are dreams without others to help you attain and live and share them? People are put into our lives for a reason, and I believe that oftentimes, that reason is to help us recognize and reach for dreams.
I use to be bothered by the fact that my dreams are always changing. Always in motion, always in the process of alteration. I'm reaching high and far, on my way to fulfillment, and then something happens that invites me, or forces me, to turn the wheel in a direction of something better. Even if I don't realize at that moment that the change will bring improvement. But more and more, I'm realizing that some dreams are put in our minds and hearts just to get our feet moving and lead us to new dreams. Like Mario Kart.
I'll never understand them completely, but I'll never stop trying. They are what they are.
What is life without dreams, anyway?
Monday, August 15, 2011
on to Fall.
Where in the world has my summer gone? In less than two weeks, I will be on my own again, living off of my thai noodles, turkey, and sourdough bread. Ok, I really am going to do better this time in that regard, but I'll be scraping change from the couches nonetheless.
I've spent my summer being confined to a basement office in the Eyring Science Center, 40 hours a week. But oddly enough, I love it. I love responsibility, and I love the feeling of accomplishment--the very two things that make up this secretary job. I've also spent many hours working in the retail environment... I think the smell of Old Navy will forever reside in my nose. Yuck. Those weekly hours have slowly declined, and the last few weeks I've only been working there four hours every Tuesday night. Between aching feet, a low wage, and a creepy manager who follows me around asking about my love life and pretending to fold a shirt here and there, I think I'm about ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. Good bye, retail. Forever.
RYAN IS ENGAGED. I seriously could not be happier for him. His fiance, Marilyn, is his perfect other half. They're getting married September 17th in the Montacello temple, right on Nash's first birthday! Speaking of the little tyke, he and McCaye are staying with us this week. :) McCaye planned a bridal shower for Marilyn this Thursday and they'll be here until Monday. He gets even cuter and even happier every time I see him. Although I'm in zero rush to tie any knots, spending time with the two of them makes me so excited to have a family of my own!
I need to go buy a very long and very thick rope, very soon. I'll use it to tie the pieces of my life together in a giant scout-worthy knot, because I think things might begin to spin out of control a little bit this next month or so. This whole school year will be crazy. I'm working 20 hours a week, which I've never even done during school. Also, I just made it into BYU Noteworthy, a nine-girl a cappella travelling group, which will take up at least 10 hours a week. Whaaaat am I doing. On top of that we've got Ryan's wedding. And I'm living in party central. Bring it on, I guess. :)
This summer has been yet another perfect summer. I have some of the greatest friends in the world, right in my own singles ward. Here are a few pictures of my best friend Annalyse Doman and I. You're the best, Annie!
I've spent my summer being confined to a basement office in the Eyring Science Center, 40 hours a week. But oddly enough, I love it. I love responsibility, and I love the feeling of accomplishment--the very two things that make up this secretary job. I've also spent many hours working in the retail environment... I think the smell of Old Navy will forever reside in my nose. Yuck. Those weekly hours have slowly declined, and the last few weeks I've only been working there four hours every Tuesday night. Between aching feet, a low wage, and a creepy manager who follows me around asking about my love life and pretending to fold a shirt here and there, I think I'm about ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. Good bye, retail. Forever.
RYAN IS ENGAGED. I seriously could not be happier for him. His fiance, Marilyn, is his perfect other half. They're getting married September 17th in the Montacello temple, right on Nash's first birthday! Speaking of the little tyke, he and McCaye are staying with us this week. :) McCaye planned a bridal shower for Marilyn this Thursday and they'll be here until Monday. He gets even cuter and even happier every time I see him. Although I'm in zero rush to tie any knots, spending time with the two of them makes me so excited to have a family of my own!
I need to go buy a very long and very thick rope, very soon. I'll use it to tie the pieces of my life together in a giant scout-worthy knot, because I think things might begin to spin out of control a little bit this next month or so. This whole school year will be crazy. I'm working 20 hours a week, which I've never even done during school. Also, I just made it into BYU Noteworthy, a nine-girl a cappella travelling group, which will take up at least 10 hours a week. Whaaaat am I doing. On top of that we've got Ryan's wedding. And I'm living in party central. Bring it on, I guess. :)
This summer has been yet another perfect summer. I have some of the greatest friends in the world, right in my own singles ward. Here are a few pictures of my best friend Annalyse Doman and I. You're the best, Annie!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
"Holler if you're ready for some summer nights!"
So, it's summer. My favorite time of the year. The other day my mom said "I definitely think you're a sunshine girl. You're happy in the summer." And boy is she right. I love bright colors and warm temperatures, and I love the sun to shine right in my eyes. In a nutshell, I could never get enough of summer.
For the most part, things are the same. Working three jobs and playing when I have the time. I have a really great group of friends from my singles ward that I love spending time with. In fact, we're all going camping up the canyon this weekend. Yeah, baby!
I guess there is one little update... in the music department. A couple of weeks ago, I showed my favorite songs that I've written to my vocal coach, and his reaction really surprised me. He said, "Record them. They're great." Say what? And then do you know what he did? He handed me a sticky note with THE Ryan Shupe's phone number on it, and told me to call him (me? call Ryan Shupe?) to ask if he and his band (the Rubber Band) will back me up on the recording of my songs. My own songs. I can't even believe it! So at the end of the summer, when I've saved up as much as possible, I'm going to do it. We'll see how this goes! In the meantime, I'll be writing like mad and working to improve the voice and guitar skills.
On Saturday night, I attended the Real Salt Lake v. Toronto game with my dad. Dads are so, so great. For whatever reason, the day had been a little bit of a hard one and I wasn't in the greatest mood, but he asked me to go with him and we had a great time and really enjoyed each other's company! The moment we got away, every doubt and insecurity that had been on my mind was gone, replaced by his love and comfort. As I was thinking about it, I was reminded that that's exactly how my Heavenly Father works. All I have to do is come to Him, then go where He wants me to go, and He has a way of trading out all my doubts for feelings of love and peace and confidence. What would I do without my Fathers?
A couple of weeks ago, Carly and I stole away to visit George for a few days. Our dear friend, Mr. St. George. We "lied like coon dogs baskin' in the sunshine"... and that is our favorite song. We also visited the St. George temple to do baptisms, ate out a few times, played tennis, and relaxed. Carly had to keep telling me to roll with it, and to stop planning out every hour of the day. What can I say, I am a planner. I learned that relaxing is a difficult task for me... I think the purpose of relaxation is to relieve anxiety, but it's something that always seems to add to mine, because I could be doing so many other things with my time! But Carls helped me to chill out a little bit and showed me how to enjoy not having a plan. :) Oh, and we watched the Notebook. Twice--one night after the next. We're officially in love with Ryan Gosling. Thanks for such a fun weekend, Car!
For the most part, things are the same. Working three jobs and playing when I have the time. I have a really great group of friends from my singles ward that I love spending time with. In fact, we're all going camping up the canyon this weekend. Yeah, baby!
I guess there is one little update... in the music department. A couple of weeks ago, I showed my favorite songs that I've written to my vocal coach, and his reaction really surprised me. He said, "Record them. They're great." Say what? And then do you know what he did? He handed me a sticky note with THE Ryan Shupe's phone number on it, and told me to call him (me? call Ryan Shupe?) to ask if he and his band (the Rubber Band) will back me up on the recording of my songs. My own songs. I can't even believe it! So at the end of the summer, when I've saved up as much as possible, I'm going to do it. We'll see how this goes! In the meantime, I'll be writing like mad and working to improve the voice and guitar skills.
On Saturday night, I attended the Real Salt Lake v. Toronto game with my dad. Dads are so, so great. For whatever reason, the day had been a little bit of a hard one and I wasn't in the greatest mood, but he asked me to go with him and we had a great time and really enjoyed each other's company! The moment we got away, every doubt and insecurity that had been on my mind was gone, replaced by his love and comfort. As I was thinking about it, I was reminded that that's exactly how my Heavenly Father works. All I have to do is come to Him, then go where He wants me to go, and He has a way of trading out all my doubts for feelings of love and peace and confidence. What would I do without my Fathers?
A couple of weeks ago, Carly and I stole away to visit George for a few days. Our dear friend, Mr. St. George. We "lied like coon dogs baskin' in the sunshine"... and that is our favorite song. We also visited the St. George temple to do baptisms, ate out a few times, played tennis, and relaxed. Carly had to keep telling me to roll with it, and to stop planning out every hour of the day. What can I say, I am a planner. I learned that relaxing is a difficult task for me... I think the purpose of relaxation is to relieve anxiety, but it's something that always seems to add to mine, because I could be doing so many other things with my time! But Carls helped me to chill out a little bit and showed me how to enjoy not having a plan. :) Oh, and we watched the Notebook. Twice--one night after the next. We're officially in love with Ryan Gosling. Thanks for such a fun weekend, Car!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Spring.
Hello, hello! Oh how I love Spring. On my way to work today, Shotgun Jackson from KBull 93 informed me that this is going to be an amazing week because it's finally going to be in the 70s! It's about time... pretty sure I'm pasty white and ready for some serious rays. No more winter! :)
My CD is finally done! Well, almost.The mixing is now done, just have to fix a few small things and add some orchestration to a few songs. I really really hope someone will sell it so that I can earn back a small portion of the fortune it took to record it! Most of all, I hope that the songs convey the messages and the feelings that they're meant to. How do you put music on a blog? Anyone? I'll put up a few songs from the CD as soon as I know how.
Zach is leaving me on Wednesday! I feel like singing "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me; I'm all alone, there's no one here to guiii-ide me-e!" All of my wonderful friends are on their way to bigger and definitely better things. AKA missions. I think anyone my age would agree that this is a little bit of an awkward phase of life between everyone leaving, meeting so many new people all the time, and not having a set group of friends to pal around with. I'm learning to really enjoy it, but it's still strange every time another great friend leaves.
I have an interview at Old Navy today! Cross your fingers for me!! I would love to work there, mostly because it would mean Gap and Banana Republic discounts. :) And also just because I am in serious need of a second job. The Neuroscience Center is such a great place to work, but it only gives me about 20 hours/week.
I really am going to do better at taking pictures and actually putting them on my computer, so I'll upload some to the blog shortly. Have a wonderful day!
My CD is finally done! Well, almost.The mixing is now done, just have to fix a few small things and add some orchestration to a few songs. I really really hope someone will sell it so that I can earn back a small portion of the fortune it took to record it! Most of all, I hope that the songs convey the messages and the feelings that they're meant to. How do you put music on a blog? Anyone? I'll put up a few songs from the CD as soon as I know how.
Zach is leaving me on Wednesday! I feel like singing "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me; I'm all alone, there's no one here to guiii-ide me-e!" All of my wonderful friends are on their way to bigger and definitely better things. AKA missions. I think anyone my age would agree that this is a little bit of an awkward phase of life between everyone leaving, meeting so many new people all the time, and not having a set group of friends to pal around with. I'm learning to really enjoy it, but it's still strange every time another great friend leaves.
I have an interview at Old Navy today! Cross your fingers for me!! I would love to work there, mostly because it would mean Gap and Banana Republic discounts. :) And also just because I am in serious need of a second job. The Neuroscience Center is such a great place to work, but it only gives me about 20 hours/week.
I really am going to do better at taking pictures and actually putting them on my computer, so I'll upload some to the blog shortly. Have a wonderful day!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Songs!
I figured it out... here they are. Hopefully there will be more to come. I'm still learning the guitar, so focus on the lyrics, not the playing. Let me know what you think. :)
The first one is called I Won't Fall Through. It's inspired by a brown-eyed boy and a perfect summer. :) The second one is called As You Go, Believe. It's more of a lullaby. I love it because it can apply to two lovers, two best friends, a mother and her child, or whatever. If you like them..... share them!
The first one is called I Won't Fall Through. It's inspired by a brown-eyed boy and a perfect summer. :) The second one is called As You Go, Believe. It's more of a lullaby. I love it because it can apply to two lovers, two best friends, a mother and her child, or whatever. If you like them..... share them!
I Won't Fall Through
As You Go, Believe
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Ohhhh sweet freedom.
Done! Done done done with my first year of college at BYU. What a year it's been! I think I've learned more as a freshman than ever before. Being such a small fish in a huuuge sea is a hard adjustment, coming from a graduating class of 214. It requires some soul-searching. It requires finding out who you really are, and being sure and comfortable with that person. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, because as much as I thought I knew myself before I came here, I didn't know the half of it. Of me! And now I do. :)
McCaye and Nash are here right now, and I can't believe how big that little man is. This morning he laid on the floor and watched me while I played guitar and sang. I sure hope my babies love music as much as he does! McCaye and Kel and Mom and I are heading to Park City one of these next days for a little bit of Spring shopping.
Speaking of music, I wrote two more songs recently, and I'm starting guitar lessons again this Saturday! As soon as I figure out how, I'll upload a video of my songs to the blog. One is for Aaron, of course, and the other is for my great friend Zach who leaves for Argentina in less than two weeks. The LDS CD is on the back burner just a little bit at the moment until my voice coach has time to mix it, and I'm saving every penny for the mixing and the orchestration until then.
The room's almost done! I painted the wall that used to be brown, and I spraypainted an old nightstand and shelf black and fixed them up.
McCaye and Nash are here right now, and I can't believe how big that little man is. This morning he laid on the floor and watched me while I played guitar and sang. I sure hope my babies love music as much as he does! McCaye and Kel and Mom and I are heading to Park City one of these next days for a little bit of Spring shopping.
Speaking of music, I wrote two more songs recently, and I'm starting guitar lessons again this Saturday! As soon as I figure out how, I'll upload a video of my songs to the blog. One is for Aaron, of course, and the other is for my great friend Zach who leaves for Argentina in less than two weeks. The LDS CD is on the back burner just a little bit at the moment until my voice coach has time to mix it, and I'm saving every penny for the mixing and the orchestration until then.
The room's almost done! I painted the wall that used to be brown, and I spraypainted an old nightstand and shelf black and fixed them up.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Please...
Ready, set, something exciting happen to me. And make it a beautiful male. Thank you and goodnight.
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