London is.

It's official: I am in love with London, England. All it took was a glance out the window during the descent of the flight, and it had me at hello. London is beautiful bright green hills, and it is castles the size of a small country. It's the hustling and bustling of millions of interesting people, each with their own unique story. It is BIG. It is loud and crazy, a combination of two things that I have never fancied until this very day. It's invigorating and thrilling, and it seems to be challenging me to see and to do every single thing that it possibly has to offer in the next seven weeks.

This morning I happened to be on the same flight as three other girls in my group: Kyla, Brittany, and McKenzie. From SLC to Chicago, Chicago to London: about twelve hours total. When we arrived, we got our Oyster passes and jumped on the tube (as if customs, the baggage claim, etc. were a quick process) and an overeager Englishman (also a passenger on the tube) began asking us questions about who we were and where we were from and where we were staying in London; questions that young American girls who've never been to London shouldn't be asked because they just sort of shake their head in all directions and try not to give direct answers and just end up looking very dumb and naive. Having had that first experience, we began developing a system of lies to protect ourselves.

Not long afterwards, we did just what each of our mothers were hoping that we'd do in this giant city, I'm sure... we got lost. Lost in London. Four first-timers. As we were getting off the tube at our stop, the door closed after Brittany hopped off, separating her from the three of us and taking us further along on the subway than was the plan. We jumped off at the next stop, hoping that Brittany had directions to our flats and praying that we could backtrack and reach our destination on our own. Mind you, all this time, the weather refused to cooperate. It was pouring rain, and it was bloody cold. I was lugging a large backpack and two suitcases totaling twice my weight. But despite all that, I was sincerely enjoying myself. The four of us couldn't stop smiling and we kept mumbling things like, "hey, we're in London" and "oh my gosh, this is real. We're really here." In time we found our way, as did Brittany. As soaking and miserably tired as we were, we couldn't help but laugh as we trekked along, and we were sure to document the end result of mop hair, wet socks and pruned feet, sopping luggage, and one sad set of printed directions. What an adventure.

Any ideas for great places to eat in London? Today we found Whole Foods (thank heavens!) which isn't too far away from our flats. We ate lunch there, then I went back later for some familiar almond milk and gluten-free granola. I will definitely survive here. On the gluten-filled side, I'm dying to try some of the famous London crepes... that's on the docket for tomorrow.

This afternoon I visited Platform Nine and Three Quarters with Hadley and Meghan. Turns out that Harry Potter was really filmed at St. Pancras, not King's Cross, but they made it look like it was King's Cross. Dirty little trick. Chris, I made sure to capture my moment entering 9 3/4, just for you. We also viewed the Tower of London from afar today, until the rain began to pound again and our umbrellas flipped inside out and began to break. We'll save that one for another day.

It feels like I've been here over a week already, and it's only been... well, I honestly don't know how long it's been since I left. Less than 48 hours, I think. I guess time doesn't really have to mean anything at the moment.

I love London, did I say that already? More exciting reports to come tomorrow.

-Cass

Shout-out to the Kris-Chris!

Real, true, sincere friends are sure hard to come by. I have a few, and as I get older, I realize how much I value and appreciate those friendships. No matter if we live under the same roof or in different cities, we're always just as close. Today is a tribute to two of my favorite people and my greatest friends: my Kris, and my Chris.

Kris has been my roommate for the last seven months. She is everything that a good friend could ever aspire to be, and she's exactly the type of person that I am trying to become. Kristalyn's got it figured out. She knows where she's headed, and she makes the most out of her journey there. She is bright, and she is strong. She's both gentle and fierce. At the end of a long day, there's nothing more refreshing than coming home to a happy friend who is excited to see me and who sincerely wants to hear about my day. We've shared more thought-provoking conversations in the last seven months than I've ever participated in in my entire life. She knows how to think, and she loves to learn. Kris is balanced. She takes care of herself and those around her, she's a good student, a hard worker, and she still makes plenty of time for fun. That, my friends, is quite the accomplishment. 

I've needed Kris this year. I have needed to hear her insights. I've needed to borrow her shoulder a few times. On occasion, I've needed some blunt advice that only she was willing to give me. I've needed to discuss, to share, to spend time, to laugh with her. I think we would agree that this year has been one of great growth; one of seeking and finding, piece by piece. I couldn't be more grateful for a genuine friend who continues to assist me in discovering myself, whether she knows it or not. Thank you, Kris!

Next, my Chris. My Christian Dane Tobler. I am more and more impressed by this little man every time I see him. He is mature. He is sharp as a tack. He's got his head screwed on straight, which is rather unusual for a sixteen year-old hunk like himself.

Chris has always been caring. Kind and caring. Not one to allow contention or disputations. He is persistent, and he is determined. I can't count the number of times that I have been upset and undoubtedly unkind, yet he continues to perform acts of service and love until I can't help but feel cheerful. I am grateful that he and I stand next to one another in the family line; I have no doubt it was meant to be that way. Although I live away now, there are some ways in which we are much more connected than before. He's entered the dating/driving realm, and it seems like we have more and more to talk about as he gets older and our lives become a little more relatable. He's getting me excited about the possibility of serving a mission just by his excitement toward his own. He's already preparing and asking questions and getting advice... for heaven's sake, I can't keep up! Thanks for helping me be better, Chris. :) Honestly and truly, I could never have asked for a better little brother and best friend. Love ya, man!

Storms and Sunshine

I found this half-written post from the beginning of the year and thought I'd share it... this is proof that I've at least attempted to blog in the last several months, even if I never got around to publishing anything:

January 5, 2012
Time is cruising faster and faster, and I'm having a hard time keeping up. New classes already? I'm not complaining. I love new things. I am becoming a fanatic of change--something I never ever thought I'd be able to say.

Lately I have a new appreciation for smiles and waves and simple "hellos". I never realized what a huge difference it makes in my day when someone reciprocates a little hint of happiness; it's a rare occasion, especially on a cold day. However, for whatever reason, I've been meeting cheery person after cheery person the last two days. Cheers for the cheery, please! Thank you for the smiles.

Big news: McCaye is pregnant. And not only is she pregnant, she is double pregnant. TWINS ON THE WAY!! I can hardly wait until summer to help nanny the little angels! So excited. Double excited, because this is twice as exciting as anything else.

I am officially leaving for London on April 24th. Packing up and exploring for six weeks straight. We'll be attending at least 20 plays, taking a Shakespeare and British Theatre class, spending a week in Rome, and SHOPPING. Yes. One more thing to look forward to! I may be spending the next ten years trying to pay it back, but heck. Who cares. I'M GOING TO LONDON.

The last little while, I've become obsessed with jazz music. I've experimented with singing just about every genre, from classical to opera to country to pop to religious to R&B to... whatever! But I feel like this genre, this very last style which I'm about to explore, has something in store for me. I don't know what, and I don't know when, but I'm sure excited to figure it out. Upward and onward! I love jazz because it's pure class. Maybe this will be a permanent change, and a permanent love. There don't seem to be all that many permanents lately, so I'm crossing my fingers that this one will stay.

I'm changing. Life is changing. I really do love trying to keep up with everything and trying to figure myself out along the way. If it were easy and if I could stay on top of it all, I'm positive I'd go mad out of boredom. I'm enjoying the ride and looking forward to feeling completely different about everything I've just said within a day or two. Things change fast around here. :)

dreamer.

When I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. I don't mean dreams that happen at night, in the dark, with a head on a pillow. I mean dreams. Dreams that push you to become something. Dreams that drive you to find your place in this world and beyond. Dreams that make you you.

Dreams could be thought of as a simple Mario Kart game. Obscure, yes, but hear me out: you start out with an objective, and you jump over and under and through obstacles until you've accomplished your mission. You save the good people and capture the bad guys. Each level is full of new challenges and unexpected distractions. At the end of every level, you pick up another dream, which dream becomes your drive throughout the next level. But you never beat the game until the next life. And maybe not even then. At times it's frustrating and tedious, but if you play it right, the excitement always overrides everything else. The rewards continue to stack up and your effort begins to pay off as you unlock new levels and slowly work your way toward the top.

I don't know that I ever realized just how important my dreams were. They were everything, and they still are. What is life without dreams, anyway? Now that I'm older, my dreams have become goals and ambitions of reality. Plans of action, always on my mind.

I have many, many dreams. Dreams that used to seem so far out of reach, but that are now becoming closer and clearer. To some, my dreams are fantasies, phases that will undoubtedly be forgotten over time. But to the true friends, they matter. It's funny how people and dreams are so closely tied. What are dreams without others to help you attain and live and share them? People are put into our lives for a reason, and I believe that oftentimes, that reason is to help us recognize and reach for dreams.

I use to be bothered by the fact that my dreams are always changing. Always in motion, always in the process of alteration. I'm reaching high and far, on my way to fulfillment, and then something happens that invites me, or forces me, to turn the wheel in a direction of something better. Even if I don't realize at that moment that the change will bring improvement. But more and more, I'm realizing that some dreams are put in our minds and hearts just to get our feet moving and lead us to new dreams. Like Mario Kart.

I'll never understand them completely, but I'll never stop trying. They are what they are.

What is life without dreams, anyway?

on to Fall.

Where in the world has my summer gone? In less than two weeks, I will be on my own again, living off of my thai noodles, turkey, and sourdough bread. Ok, I really am going to do better this time in that regard, but I'll be scraping change from the couches nonetheless.

I've spent my summer being confined to a basement office in the Eyring Science Center, 40 hours a week. But oddly enough, I love it. I love responsibility, and I love the feeling of accomplishment--the very two things that make up this secretary job. I've also spent many hours working in the retail environment... I think the smell of Old Navy will forever reside in my nose. Yuck. Those weekly hours have slowly declined, and the last few weeks I've only been working there four hours every Tuesday night. Between aching feet, a low wage, and a creepy manager who follows me around asking about my love life and pretending to fold a shirt here and there, I think I'm about ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. Good bye, retail. Forever.

RYAN IS ENGAGED. I seriously could not be happier for him. His fiance, Marilyn, is his perfect other half. They're getting married September 17th in the Montacello temple, right on Nash's first birthday! Speaking of the little tyke, he and McCaye are staying with us this week. :) McCaye planned a bridal shower for Marilyn this Thursday and they'll be here until Monday. He gets even cuter and even happier every time I see him. Although I'm in zero rush to tie any knots, spending time with the two of them makes me so excited to have a family of my own!

I need to go buy a very long and very thick rope, very soon. I'll use it to tie the pieces of my life together in a giant scout-worthy knot, because I think things might begin to spin out of control a little bit this next month or so. This whole school year will be crazy. I'm working 20 hours a week, which I've never even done during school. Also, I just made it into BYU Noteworthy, a nine-girl a cappella travelling group, which will take up at least 10 hours a week. Whaaaat am I doing. On top of that we've got Ryan's wedding. And I'm living in party central. Bring it on, I guess. :)

This summer has been yet another perfect summer. I have some of the greatest friends in the world, right in my own singles ward. Here are a few pictures of my best friend Annalyse Doman and I. You're the best, Annie!

"Holler if you're ready for some summer nights!"

So, it's summer. My favorite time of the year. The other day my mom said "I definitely think you're a sunshine girl. You're happy in the summer." And boy is she right. I love bright colors and warm temperatures, and I love the sun to shine right in my eyes. In a nutshell, I could never get enough of summer.

For the most part, things are the same. Working three jobs and playing when I have the time. I have a really great group of friends from my singles ward that I love spending time with. In fact, we're all going camping up the canyon this weekend. Yeah, baby!

I guess there is one  little update... in the music department. A couple of weeks ago, I showed my favorite songs that I've written to my vocal coach, and his reaction really surprised me. He said, "Record them. They're great." Say what? And then do you know what he did? He handed me a sticky note with THE Ryan Shupe's phone number on it, and told me to call him (me? call Ryan Shupe?) to ask if he and his band (the Rubber Band) will back me up on the recording of my songs. My own songs. I can't even believe it! So at the end of the summer, when I've saved up as much as possible, I'm going to do it. We'll see how this goes! In the meantime, I'll be writing like mad and working to improve the voice and guitar skills.

On Saturday night, I attended the Real Salt Lake v. Toronto game with my dad. Dads are so, so great. For whatever reason, the day had been a little bit of a hard one and I wasn't in the greatest mood, but he asked me to go with him and we had a great time and really enjoyed each other's company! The moment we got away, every doubt and insecurity that had been on my mind was gone, replaced by his love and comfort. As I was thinking about it, I was reminded that that's exactly how my Heavenly Father works. All I have to do is come to Him, then go where He wants me to go, and He has a way of trading out all my doubts for feelings of love and peace and confidence. What would I do without my Fathers?

A couple of weeks ago, Carly and I stole away to visit George for a few days. Our dear friend, Mr. St. George. We "lied like coon dogs baskin' in the sunshine"... and that is our favorite song. We also visited the St. George temple to do baptisms, ate out a few times, played tennis, and relaxed. Carly had to keep telling me to roll with it, and to stop planning out every hour of the day. What can I say, I am a planner. I learned that relaxing is a difficult task for me... I think the purpose of relaxation is to relieve anxiety, but it's something that always seems to add to mine, because I could be doing so many other things with my time! But Carls helped me to chill out a little bit and showed me how to enjoy not having a plan. :) Oh, and we watched the Notebook. Twice--one night after the next. We're officially in love with Ryan Gosling. Thanks for such a fun weekend, Car!

Spring.

Hello, hello! Oh how I love Spring. On my way to work today, Shotgun Jackson from KBull 93 informed me that this is going to be an amazing week because it's finally going to be in the 70s! It's about time... pretty sure I'm pasty white and ready for some serious rays. No more winter! :)

My CD is finally done! Well, almost.The mixing is now done, just have to fix a few small things and add some orchestration to a few songs. I really really hope someone will sell it so that I can earn back a small portion of the fortune it took to record it! Most of all, I hope that the songs convey the messages and the feelings that they're meant to. How do you put music on a blog? Anyone? I'll put up a few songs from the CD as soon as I know how.

Zach is leaving me on Wednesday! I feel like singing "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me; I'm all alone, there's no one here to guiii-ide me-e!" All of my wonderful friends are on their way to bigger and definitely better things. AKA missions. I think anyone my age would agree that this is a little bit of an awkward phase of life between everyone leaving, meeting so many new people all the time, and not having a set group of friends to pal around with. I'm learning to really enjoy it, but it's still strange every time another great friend leaves.

I have an interview at Old Navy today! Cross your fingers for me!! I would love to work there, mostly because it would mean Gap and Banana Republic discounts. :) And also just because I am in serious need of a second job. The Neuroscience Center is such a great place to work, but it only gives me about 20 hours/week.

I really am going to do better at taking pictures and actually putting them on my computer, so I'll upload some to the blog shortly. Have a wonderful day!